Random words

I'm sitting here alone,
by choice, not from desperation.
It is my own doing why I'm here,
Yet I do not know why I chose this.

The mysteries of life, the mind the heart,
evade me wherever I turn,
and no matter how deep I delve,
it is still beyond my grasp.

This is where my heart has brought me
This is where I want to be,
I seek the pain, I relish the suffering
and still I ache for them to leave.

My words mean nothing, I let them bleed.
Crimson and black upon the page.
I bleed my soul upon this paper,
pretending that it might heal the pain.

I know not what I'm doing, or where I will go,
I know nothing of what I'm writing now.
My mind is racing, my heart is numb,
My fingers sore of writing things down.

I no longer know how to express myself,
what words to use to make you laugh or cry.
You are mine, my love for all eternity
yet at the present moment you are gone.

my friends, my peers, enjoy me terribly,
they wish me close, for all the wrong reasons.
It id not pleasant company that I seek,
it is the touch of those who I love.

I write these words without thinking
no control to what spills out.
My mind is black, my heart is tired,
I will now put this empty pen down.